Slug: An answer

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03 Dec 04

Sybil Priebe

Opinion Editor

[This column is meant to be ½ humorous and ½ serious. I haven’t figured out which parts are which yet, however.]

I have thee answer. Or at least an answer.

When it comes to men and marriage, they shy away from the word and words that rhyme with it as much as possible. Like it’s a disease. And perhaps in making gay marriage legal, we’d add this same stress to the more “butch” lesbians (who play the more male role in their relationships) and “manly” gay men (not all of ‘em like to shop). And I am definitely for less stress.

The answer is this: heterosexual females should marry gay men. Not only do we see visual displays of this (Will and Grace, Stacey and Clinton on What Not To Wear), but the reasons this just might work are laid out as follows:

The first issue: Sex. “They” say sex dwindles after people get married. This type of arrangement would allow for fun to exist between the couple because A) they would have an “open relationship” and both date men, B) they would have each other to come home to after an argument with the outside person, and C) the males they would be dating outside of the arrangement would never have to worry about the M-word because the person they are dating, the gay man or hetero female, is already married. Sex and affection will still be full of passion.

Secondly: Interests. Granted, I only have a handful of gay male friends, but they understand me better than any hetero man ever could. We are on the same wavelength. We like to shop. They don’t stare at women and give me a complex. Why not be married to someone like that? Plus, each person in the arrangement would have someone there to set them up with men, gladly shop with them, and listen to their feminine issues.

My third note: Children. Everyone knows that kids grow up the best in healthy homes. Now, if the parents of the child are happy with each other and delight in each other’s company, the child will grow up extremely love and not only learn to accept different lifestyles, but also will have seen how a healthy relationship can work. I realize that procreation may not be high on the list of a gay man living with a hetero female, but if it should happen, I don’t think it would be detrimental to the child’s life.

And we all know, too, that not every marriage leads to procreation. Some couples find they aren’t compatible in that department after the vows, and some couples choose, based on lifestyles, work, or money, that children are just not in their futures.

This answer does have holes; however, all of us as humans simply have an urge to grow up, find someone to love and who loves us, and to be happy. This is just one solution to our divided nation.