The screen is going to suck me in. "I swear ta god." And my already flat ass is getting numb-r by the keyboard letter I punch at. But it is a good day. Why, I ask? Because it is Friday and that means two days of humping the dog. Interesting way of putting it you may ponder and really it is. Of all the minutes I spent with this one guy, went by the name of Schmucker in a bad way, this summer, I picked up on that phrase. It actually involved the f-word, but I am editing it to save my mother and grandmother a heartattack and me stress from hearing them ream me out.

The chocolate protein shake looks like really runny shit and I am no longer appetized by it's appearance or texture. While cruising the pavement on Broadway today, in good old downtown Fargo, I saw a homeless man and sadly ignored him. However, I would like to point out he was talking to someone. Not someone visible to my human eye, but someone and his conversation was pretty in dept. I'd like to think I wasn't ignoring him, but trying not to interrupt the deep thoughts he was having with space and time. I am always polite.

Terrible antsy-ness is taking over my body as I just want to leave and walk down the stairs, sniff/suck in the fresh automobile air and go to Hemp and Bead and buy the old, yet beautiful clothes I was eyeing over my lunchbreak. What is it with older hippie clothing and me anyway? Am I trying to preserve that time period or something? Maybe I did learn something in history class. If you can't beat them, join them. But that one light yellow linen shirt begged for me to own it. To pair it with some worn jeans and a small beaded necklace and then sit somewhere cool and sip an Iced Mocha. Why is it, also, that I think of where I can wear these outfits and what I would be saying in them? Each piece has it's own attitude, and while I have my own, I love to try on all these different ones and have mine evolve and expand to include others. One day I want to wear my NDSU sweatshirt and just be the college girl... another day I want to dress up in a modern/hippie way with lots of black and my fake glasses.. and then there is the seductive part of me that likes the little belly-baring tops and short shorts. It's strange. I am strange. Yet, everyone is many people smooshed into one.

august 2001

-----

Came up with this crazy idea once and told Kelly, the policeman I went on one date with (to Granite City) and then never heard from again. The idea was to be a taxi for all those people I see walking in the middle of winter. Huddling themselves against the wind. Planning some sort of attack like football players often do. Yea, and I wouldn’t charge anything nor take calls.. I would just be driving around all the time at certain hours, the dark cold hours, and pick up people, mainly college kids, and give them rides to warm houses and apartments. Bring them to their waiting studies, naked significant others (or ones on the internet), and hot Ramon noodles.

I remember also about that date.... I was attracted to this man, Kelly and he talked enough- was super passionate about flying and his lessons in such. Yet, I just knew that it wasn’t going to go beyond anything into like a serious relationship though. Could have been me being a ‘big drinker’ in his eyes or my larger ass, but overall, I think we felt the same. If I see him on the road, I hope he doesn’t give me a ticket. It’s all you can hope for really.