Sometimes I don't understand why Jordan does the things she does. I love her so much but if she isn't going to tell her parents what is up with us, what is the point of being who we are? I am so grateful for my mom, she understands or at least tries to. I am so confused about everything. Jordan will be graduating soon and I don't want her to go so far away and leave me suck here in Hell High. I wish Becky and all those popular bitches would leave me the fuck alone. Prom is coming up too, I wonder if Jordan and I should go or try to cover it up? Sometimes I don't even care who finds out. Mr. Roberts said in Art Studio class today to be who you are in your paintings as well as everyday life. He is the greatest teacher. Hmm.... I suppose I better do my homework. I hope Jordan calls me tonight. Maybe for her graduation gift I could find tickets to that concert that she wanted to go to so bad.
Well, Jordan got kicked out of her house so mom said she stay here. She cried all day at school today and now just went to get stuff from her house. I am so proud of her. Luckily her scholarship can't be taken away from her so she will be leaving me still, at least our love is out in the open. I should probably bring up Prom to her sometime soon. Mom says she thinks we should, she said she would back us all the way. I am so thankful dad left us. Mom said that he would not be very accepting of "homos" because he is a "redneck freak." I like the way she talks. Last night when Jordan came over all red-eyed, my mom and I comforted her and we all watched tv while I braided both of their heads.
I am going to die. Jordan why did you kill yourself last night with a drug overdose. I told her not to go the party with all those girls... I know they did it to her, they freaked her out and... Fucking bitches! Jordan was my best friend, she was going to become a pediatrician. I hate everyone. I just want to die now. I want to be with Jordan.... I love you Jordan if you are watching me write this. I love you and I will never forget you.
Henry Miller asked me out today and I accepted. I really don't want to even kiss him, but mom says that I need to get back into my "social life." Most of our friends, Jordan, are still together. They are mad I won't go with a girl to prom like we had all planned, but I just can't take all this pressure. My dad came over this weekend... Yeah I know what you are thinking. He condemned my new poster of Melissa Etheridge and shouted at my mom forever about my clothing and my newest piercing. Oh, I haven't told you I guess- I got one in my nose now, like you did. It is my tribute to you. I miss you Jordan. I hope heaven is treating you well. Oh, You'll be so proud of me- I did my junior research paper on Buddha. Remember all your talks about him and all those books you had. God, I hope your parents didn't throw those away. Well, I have tennis practice now. I love you.
May 26 (a whole year later)
Well, my mom saved up enough for me to go to a good school, even far away if I wanted, but I don't even want to go. I applied at Cambridge because Dree will be living there another year. I may be able to live with her for a bit or something. I miss you still Jordo. I wish you were the one I could share a place with. I love and miss you horribly.